Of Lamborghinis and Fords

Of Lamborghinis and Fords

Twenty four year old Brachi and her parents sat with me. Referred by a colleague of mine, they sought guidance on options. Told by a reputable professional that Brachi had borderline personality disorder, they were now focused on the next steps. Which method of treatment would be most appropriate? Should Brachi enter an inpatient program? What about residential treatment?

These were all valid questions. Yet, no matter where Brachi ended up treatment wise, it seemed vital that she and her parents understand some of the vital truths about people borderline personality disorder. A pessimistic outlook of this complex disorder would only mean more and more of the same misery that their beautiful daughter had already been through. So some psychoeducation was in order.

And this education began with Lamborghinis and Fords.

Huh?

Well think of it this way: the Ford Motor Corporation has been making automobiles for many years. Their cars are reliable and not terribly expensive. Ford cars however are not especially flashy or powerful. The rich and famous usually would not be found driving around in a Ford.

In contrast to Ford, the Lamborghini is the opposite. Incredibly expensive, a Lamborghini is extremely powerful. Due to the complexity of its engine it must be serviced quite often. Only special gas may be used. The Lamboghini’s super-powered engined also means that vehicle must be operated with great caution. Otherwise, one may damage the car or, rachama litzlan, injure oneself.

Those who can afford the price and hassle of such a car are in for a unique experience. The price of the Lamborghini however is so high that only few of us can buy one; thus we are limited to driving around in our uninspired, much more affordable Fords.

And this is the same for personalities.

Most of us possess predictable “Ford” type personalities. These personalities serve us adequately when it comes to the day to day work of relationships and accomplishment. While we may rarely consider the deeper meaning of a beautiful blue sky or all the heartbreak in the world, we are content. We don’t think beyond the superficialities of our lives.

And then there are those with a Lamborghini kind of personality. These are people who think beyond the convenient and the superficial. They feel and see in vivid colors and varying intensities. Professor Len Sperry of the University of Wisconsin uses the term Borderline Personality Style to describe this powerful “Lamborghini” person. He lists the following characteristics as the dimensions of such an individual.

He or she tends to experience passionate, focused attachments in all relationships. Nothing in the relationship is taken lightly. He or she usually becomes deeply involved in a romantic relationship with one person.

He or she is emotionally active and reactive. They show their true feelings and put their hearts into everything

He or she tends to be uninhibited, spontaneous, fun loving, and usually undaunted by risk.

He or she is usually creative, lively, busy, and engaging.

He or she usually shows initiative and can stir others to activity with their passion.

He or she is imaginative and curious.

He or she is willing to experience and experiment with other roles, cultures, and value systems.

Such wonderful qualities offer great spiritual advantages. Yet there is great risk that comes with them as well. The sensitivity and deep need for connection can be the cause of great pain. Life after all is difficult. Loved ones leave us. Plans, big and small are frustrated continuously. Whereas the “Ford” types experience the pain with a kind of “nonchalance”, the “Lamborghini” type experiences pain in a most amplified way. And since no one likes to be in pain, such a person, lacking the tools and knowledge specific for their personality, may turn, rachmana litzlan, to quick fixes such as suicidality, drugs and sex that all have long term consequences.

Unfortunately, there is a “no return” policy on the type of personality style that we get. While medical science has figured out how to perform a heart or face transplant and how to generate a new liver from a stem cell, there still is no such thing as a “personality transplant”.

But perhaps that’s just as well. It was after all the pain experienced by Dovid HaMelech and all the other “Lamborghinis” of our people that showed the rest of us what it means to be a Jew.