Returning To Peace: Some Introductory Thoughts

Borderline Personality Disorder.

Incurable.
Untreatable.
Impossible.

These are the typical reactions of many mental health professionals to the condition known as borderline personality disorder. People with borderline are considered the most difficult to treat. Their seemingly unpredictable mood swings, frequent intense outbursts, and fragile sense of self can cause many otherwise competent professionals to throw up their hands.

Of course, the individuals with the disorder are just as baffled as the professionals. So many precious lives are controlled by inscrutable inner forces. Therapy, medication, hospitalization after hospitalization, folk healing. Nothing seems to help.

Some find temporary relief in self destructive behaviors such as drug use, behavioral addictions like sex and shopping. Others find self mutilation able to calm their inner turmoil. Obviously the toll on family life, work, career, social relationships, and spirituality is heavy. It is little wonder that people with borderline personality will try anything to stop their intense suffering.

In the last fifteen years however the situation has improved. With the publication of Cognitive Therapy Of Borderline Personality Disorder, psychologist Marsha Linehan ushered in a significant, new perspective on borderline. Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, a system of treatment for people with borderline that Linehan developed, created hope that people a system of treatment for people with borderline that Linehan developed, created hope that people could live without all the agony.

Furthermore, developments in psychopharmacology (the use of medication to treat psychological conditions), psychotherapy, and educational psychology have given sufferers of borderline and their families reason for real optimism. As a psychotherapist trained in the DBT method and having thousands of hours of experience treating adults with borderline personality disorder, I have witnessed the dramatic turning around of wounded lives. The time for hope has arrived.

Returning To Peace is intended to get the good news about borderline personality disorder out. Returning To Peace brings together the latest scientific understanding of borderline personality disorder with tried and true techniques for finding a way through the chaos. Most importantly, readers will find reason for a new optimism about a disorder that for too long has been shrouded in shame and confusion.

Why A Special Book For Torah Observant Jewry?

When it comes to recovery from borderline, the Torah observant Jew has some unfair advantages.

Allow me to explain:

For many years, religion was viewed with contempt by many of the greats of psychology. Understandably, religion responded with distrust of professional psychology. The result were two "sides" who despite their many common aspirations, would not learn from each other.

Over the years however this feud thawed. This has been especially the case among Torah observant Jewry. More and more frum people and communities have turned to the mental health community. It is no longer difficult to find superbly trained, compassionate b'nay Torah for the gamut of mental health problems. This should be a source of great pride to us all.

Just as the religious have turned to psychology, psychology has taken a fresh look at religion. In the last fifteen years, psychological researchers have flocked to the religious to understand the many psychological benefits of religious faith and practice. The most well known of these scientists are Martin Seligman and the late M. Scott Peck.

Most ironic however is the integration of religious spiritual practices into psychology. Prayer, loving kindness, faith, and spirit are all accepted parts of this new psychology. What was once rejected is now embraced. Go figure!

Thus I was hardly surprised when I began learning about cognitive therapy or reading Dr. Linehan's Cognitive Therapy Of Borderline Personality Disorder. In fact the more I integrated their techniques into my clinical practice the more I realized how close many of the most basic dimensions of Yiddishkeit were being 'copied' in these scientifically validated treatments. Davening and chessed were examples of 'opposite actions'. The mitzva of tochacha and other interpersonal mitzvos paralled the 'DEAR MAN' technique. The many brachos that we say throughout the day makes mindfulness practice come like a snap. In fact, it began to dawn on me that a spirited Torah observant lifestyle offers a kind of unfair advantage. And when it comes to borderline personality disorder one needs every advantage.

About The Title

Over the last fifteen years, I've worked with hundreds of adults with borderline. When I include the children, parents, spouses, teachers, and coworkers of people with borderline, it is safe to say that I have encountered thousands. Through individual psychotherapy, group therapy, and family treatment I've become intimately familiar with borderline. The more I sit with people and listen to them, the more I learn about the disorder and the real people who suffer with it. And while I would never misrepresent myself as a true insider, I've been able to form a most personal view of borderline personality disorder.

So what have I learned about this disorder? What have I learned about the very real people who intensely suffer as a result of borderline? Perhaps the most significant realization is that people with borderline want more than anything to live in peace. The person with borderline often lives conflict with their world. Harmony and comfort are states so rarely experienced!

Hence, the title of the book that you hold in your hands. Returning To Peace flows from my heart directly to your heart with one goal in mind: to help you find a measure of peace.